Q: I’ve been reading your advice column in the Coast in Halifax for a while, and it seems that most solutions to relationship problems revolve around sex. Everyone wants it or needs it, we should fuck before dinner, or we can spice up our sex life in this certain way to be happy. What about someone who doesn’t want to have sex, ever? I’ve asked other people for advice, and the answer is usually “take one for the team,” have sex to keep them happy. Is that the only way I could find happiness in a relationship? It’s not something I want to do—but at this point, I don’t see any other options. —All Alone Ace
I can already hear you composing your response, AAA: Asexuals are just 1 percent of the population. There are 400,000 people in Halifax, which means there are 3,999 other asexuals. Sounds like a lot, but most will be too young, too old, or unappealing for political or personal reasons (loves Kevin O’Leary, hasn’t seen Moonlight). And a significant chunk of that number may not be aware—yet—that they’re asexual. So realistically, AAA, your local dating pool is much smaller than 3,999.
A: If they were just enforcing “their rules” about booze in their house, that would be one thing. But requiring your adult daughter not to date anyone, or not to be a lesbian at all, is just mean. (A lot of insane religious people believe homosexuality is an act, not an identity, so someone who isn’t currently having gay or lesbian sex isn’t actually gay or lesbian. By that standard, I haven’t been gay for hours.) And leveraging their daughter’s autism and social isolation and economic dependence against her in order to control her? Meaner still.
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