- ABC
- Marcus is the most boring man alive—but Clare don’t care!
I’m about halfway through I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends, a memoir and shoo-in for the Pulitzer by Bachelor villain and season 16 “winner” Courtney Robertson (cowritten by an actual writer person). It’s full of enlightening tidbits, for instance that a psychologist—the same one who administers a 150 question personality test during an advanced stage of the audition process—always travels with the show and “is a permanent fixture on set.” The implication is that the shrink is winnowing out the mentally unstable, but she sticks around just in case a few happen to slip through, despite her best efforts of course. And sure enough every season features at least a few sick pups who’ll have their idiosyncracies and insecurities played up by cruel producers and brilliant editing, and their carcasses picked to bits by avian-beaked host Chris Harrison. The show would be a real snooze without them.
But really, not everyone’s awful. They brought back Marquel—also from Andi’s season—a smart, handsome charmer who should’ve been the next bachelor, but was instead sent to this disease-infested hovel as a consolation prize. There’s also Sarah Herron, who’s kind of like the show’s conscience, a blonde, blue-eyed Jiminy Cricket who guides us through the season and agrees with us when people are being “fucking crazy.” But when she’s sent home—she’s definitely going to be sent home—I won’t be sad. It means more screen time for the rest of these sexual sociopaths.
