Sometimes I think Christmas is wasted on the wrong people. On account of being Jewish, I have never gotten to celebrate a whole Christmas from start to finish—though I’ve gotten bits and pieces, thanks to friends and roommates and my boyfriend’s mother who one year gave me my very own stocking—but because of years of exposure to movies and popular songs I know all about it. And if you do it wrong, I will judge you. I do this out of love. If Christmas is the best thing that has ever happened to humanity (and, having never celebrated it myself, I have no reason to doubt this is true), it should be done right! Here is a definitive list of how you should celebrate Christmas, with sources.
• You should cover your house with lights and decorations, both inside and out. (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)
• Christmas is a time for family gatherings, and everyone who can’t make it home should be very sad. (Every Christmas movie ever made or Christmas song ever written, but particularly “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” by Buck Ram and Walter Kent)
