Q: I am a 26-year-old heterosexual European man. I have been for four years in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend. Recently she cheated on me. When she told me what she did, I felt a very strong pain, even stronger than I expected. After a few days of pain, however, I found that the sexual attraction for my girlfriend, instead of decreasing, increased after her adventure. In particular, I am now having a cuckold fantasy. I would like that she tell me everything she did, without sparing any detail, while we have sex, or that we try to play an actual cuckold game where she has sex with someone else in front of me while I give her instructions and tell her exactly what to do. My problem is that I am not sure what her reaction would be if I ask her to play out these fantasies. She feels very guilty and witnessed my pain when she told me she cheated. I fear that talking to her about these fantasies would scare her. I also fear that, as she is feeling guilty, she would say yes, but without really wanting to do this. I also don’t want her to think I liked what she did when she cheated on me. I did not like it, but I would like to relive it in a playful way, in which I have complete control. How do you think I should approach this talk? Which reactions should I expect? How can I make sure that she is really into this if she says yes? —Feeling Obsessed Replicating Treason & Dominating Adulterer

She might freak out. She might be into it. She might freak out and then later be into it. (That’s the origin story of most cuckold couples: Husband/BF proposes it; wife/GF freaks out; weeks, months, or years later the wife/GF asks if cuckolding is still on the table.) You can figure out the parameters later, if you decide to explore this at all, but it starts with a conversation. Good luck.

A: Those aren’t doubts, WAD. They’re desires. You know what you want: You want your girlfriend, you want cock, you want a man to grab you, and you want to continue questioning—and shaping and defining—your nonheterosexuality. The problem, WAD, isn’t that you don’t know what you want, it’s that you don’t know how to fuse all these wants into a coherent identity. (Possible answer: “bisexual, lesbo-amorous, likely nonmonogamous.”)