Q I am wondering when the best time is to mention being in an open relationship to new girls. I’m a 27-year-old straight guy who’s been in an open relationship for six years. I often seek out extracurricular activities, but I am unsure of how to bring up my situation without doors closing. I wrote to a seduction blogger who often writes about open relationships, and his advice was to not mention it until I’ve had sex with the girl a few times and to not bring them to my apartment that I share with my girlfriend. This feels contrary to my nature, which is very straightforward, but is it perhaps the better method? Indeed, many of my “potentials” have been scared away when they learn of my relationship status. What are your thoughts on the matter? —Straightforward Honesty Offends Potentials
QI’m a 30-year-old straight woman, and I’ve been with my male partner for four years. Here’s the thing that’s been bugging me: The sex has gotten predictable. But it’s also gotten better in the sense that I orgasm a much greater percentage of the time, now that he knows my body and what I like. More orgasms for me are great, but in the service of that, we’ve fallen into a “tried-and-true” rut, which I don’t think is good. I try to switch it up sometimes, and I surprised him with some sexy lingerie last night . . . and I got self-conscious, started to worry about whether I’d get off, and then didn’t come. I know he really likes it when I get off, but I don’t want for us to have such a limited repertoire. So which do we give preference to: variety or orgasms? —Rutting or Undertaking Totally Interesting New Experiences?
You might wanna look around for some other guy—maybe even a gay one—who you can have a crush on and slide into. But I’m not going to push you to do that, because it’s clear that you’ve got feelings for this guy and at the very least he’s got Feelings While Drunk for you. And while I should probably scold you both for fucking around behind his girlfriend’s back, BESTS, I have a hunch that you’re a bunch of teenagers and/or very young adults. So you’re getting a pass because this kind of bullshit is often a necessary and clarifying rite of passage for kids who are still figuring out who they are, what they want, and who they can and cannot trust. But I predict that this will end badly for all involved, and you will one day look back on the bi three-ways, the gay two-ways, and the way you once believed that “breaking up a lot” was evidence of a passion that could not be denied (when in actual fact it’s evidence of a couple of twats who cannot be endured) and be deeply embarrassed. But in the meantime, BESTS, enjoy sliding in.
