Q: I am a 38-year-old married woman. My husband of 18 years is 22 years my senior. I credit my husband for giving me a good life and helping me pursue goals. But my husband is a type A professional, and that has played out in the bedroom. He has always been disinterested in my pleasure. When our kids were little, I did not want sex as often as he did (“only” twice a week). I suggested that he masturbate in the shower if he wanted a morning quickie. His answer: A married man “should not have to pleasure himself.”
This is heady stuff. I have spoken to each of them on the phone and exchanged hundreds of e-mails. (Meeting strangers sounds scary, I know, but I have kept my identity secret and have insisted on knowing these gents’ real and verifiable info.) I want to take this into “real life.” This is the happiest I have been in my entire life, and I want to act on these desires. My husband is my only concern. He is my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that. I feel like I can’t even tell him about the online stuff. He is so rigid. I am stuck. How do I deal with this? —Don’t Offend My Man Ever
A: Forgive me in advance for the mixed messages I’m about to send you, CRUD, although I promise they won’t be nearly as mixed as what I just sent DOMME.
