Q I’m a 26-year-old girl, and my boyfriend is bi. I assumed he would be less jealous than the average man. After all, a lot of bi men have faced irrational jealousy from women. But my BF is more jealous than average. He accuses me of having slept with my male friends in the past. He makes negative comments about how many people I’ve hooked up with. Whenever I won’t divulge something, he says, “Well, obviously that means you did hook up with that guy before we met/you do think that waiter was cute/you were looking at porn on your phone.” If I do admit I was involved with someone (or even that I think someone is cute), he gets really upset. He knows he’s insecure. He says he’s working on it. But do people grow out of this kind of thing? Also, this is especially unfair given that I don’t object at all to the shirtless snapchats he gets from guys he used to hook up with. —Torn in Re-Envious Drudgery
Lastly: I have a hunch your boyfriend is playing a “good offense is the best defense” game with you. By which I mean to say: he’s probably doing more—a lot more—than just swapping shirtless pics with guys he “used to” hook up with. His jealous fits about your imaginary infidelities may be meant to distract you from his actual ones.
Q I am a heterosexual woman. There is no doubt in my mind that my boyfriend of four years loves women. Or that he loves me. My boyfriend says he is straight, but I sometimes think he is attracted to men. My gay best friend also thinks my boyfriend is attracted to men. Example: My boyfriend loves getting attention from this one gay waiter. My boyfriend goes out of his way to talk to him, the waiter responds with flirtation, and all the while, the gay waiter ignores and is rude to me. I asked my boyfriend if he had a crush on this waiter, and he got mad at me. What does this mean? —Worried Over Really Repressed Yearnings
