Q: I’m a gay man who is ready to start cheating on my boyfriend. We’ve had a wonderful 3.5-year-long relationship full of respect, affection, support, and fun. I love everything about our relationship, and our sex life was great . . . until he moved in eight months into the relationship. At that point, he lost all interest. I’ve tried everything: asking what I can do differently, being more aggressive, being more passive, suggesting couples therapy, getting angry, crying, and breaking up twice. (Both breakups lasted only a few hours because I honestly don’t want to leave him.) When I bring up an open relationship, he just goes quiet. I’ve moved past most of the anger, frustration, hurt, embarrassment, and sadness. But I won’t accept a life of celibacy. I would like to get some discreet play on the side. My boyfriend is very perceptive, and I’m a bad liar. I don’t want to get caught—but how should the conversation go if (when) I do? I’m leaning toward something like this: “I’m sorry it came to this and I know we agreed on monogamy, and I gave you monogamy for 3.5 years, but part of agreeing to monogamy is the implicit promise to meet your partner’s sexual needs. Everything else about our relationship is wonderful, but we couldn’t fix this one thing, so instead of continuing to push the issue, this is what I decided to do.” Good enough? —Can’t Help Exploring Another Tush
Q: I’m a woman in a hetero marriage. My husband and I enjoy skimming the Craigslist “casual encounters” section. It’s like people watching, but NSFW. We recently stumbled on an ad posted by a male friend. The ad was soliciting gay mutual BJ/HJ, with the stipulation that the first one to come (the loser?) gets fucked in the ass by the other (the winner?). Other than the concept of winners and losers during sex, I’ve got no issues. The thing that gnaws at my conscience is this: Our friend is a young guy, bi-curious and impulsive. Once I got over the giggles of glimpsing a dick pic that wasn’t intended for my eyes, I began to worry about our friend’s risky behavior. Do I say something? I care about this guy, but I don’t want to come off as “mommy” or “creepy.” —Dude’s Extremely Risky Plan Elevates Stress
So what can you do to alleviate your anxiety, fear, and squeezing? “The first thing for him to do is use a salve on the skin around and inside the anus,” said Glickman. “Apply it after washing, and it doesn’t take much. It’s like putting lip balm on dry lips. Cocoa butter or coconut oil work well. I also like the goldenseal and myrrh formula by Country Comfort. Apply it twice a day.”
