Q: I’m a 47-year-old virgin straight man. What advice can you give me on losing my virginity? —Wanting and Hoping
Q: I was involved with a straight man who enjoys cross-dressing and taking explicit photos. The problem is that the props he uses belong to his three children, all under age 12. For example, he dressed up as a slutty schoolgirl and wore his daughter’s backpack. He dressed up as a slutty cowgirl and posed with his son’s stuffed horse. He even had the horse eating his “carrot.” I told him he should stop using his children’s things as props. He believes that his children will never see the photos, so no harm will come of it. I’m horrified at the thought of these kids (perhaps as adults) stumbling over these pictures. He posts them on Instagram and Facebook, so they aren’t private and he can’t control where they go. It’s one of the reasons I ended the relationship. Is there anything I can say to him? —Canceled Definitely Promising Relationship Over Photo Sessions
A: (1) Nobody “just knows,” SOBA, and everyone has doubts—that’s why commitments are made (consciously entered into) and are not some sort of romantic or sexual autopilot that kicks in when we meet the “perfect” person. We commit, and recommit, and forgive, and muddle through—but when we’re asked about our relationships, we tend to lean on cliches like “It was love at first sight,” “I just knew,” and “the One”—cliches that often fill others with doubt about the quality of their relationships.
