Q: Many years ago, what was for me a bizarre sexual incident happened to me, and while I’ve largely laughed it off with no traumatic effects, the incident has always puzzled me. For the record, I’m a straight man in a good, loving marriage with no sexual issues to report. I was off on a golf weekend with a bunch of uber-hetero buddies. We stayed in a condo that didn’t have enough beds for everyone, so I ended up sharing a bed with an ex-marine. In the middle of the night, I thought my girlfriend was waking me up with a blow job, and a damn fine one at that. However, as I gradually became awake, I realized the mouth on my penis wasn’t my girlfriend’s. I called this guy’s name, and—this is the interesting part—he sprang up suddenly, like I just woke him up. I was also a little afraid, because he was a big guy who could have easily pummeled me to death out of embarrassment. But he jumped out of bed, went into the bathroom, and gargled before coming back into bed. Neither of us said a word afterward about what happened. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep too well after that. (And frankly, I was a little offended by the gargling.) So the question is: Can you fellate in your sleep? Can you sleep-blow and still be a straight guy?—Blown Latently One Wild Night
It’s unfortunate that your son framed the news about his choices and his marriage—which make him happy—in what sounds like a clumsy critique of your choices and your marriage. (If that’s what he did, SM. I’ve only got your characterization of his comments to go on, not a tape recording of them, and it has been my experience that monogamous folks sometimes hear critiques of their choices when we nonmonogamous folks talk about our own choices. “We’re not doing what you’re doing” ≠ “You’re doing it wrong.”)
Q: I have no disagreement with what you said to letter writer WHIFFING (the man who wanted to know how to broach the subject of a female partner’s unpleasant vaginal odor). But I wanted to add something that seems to be largely unknown: A common side effect of long-term SSRI use is that the scent and amount of sweat can change to be offensive and copious. While it’s worth getting checked out if the person is unaware of the cause of an offensive groin smell (it could be a health issue), sometimes the cause turns out to be something the person is not willing to change because of the benefit it brings to their life. I’ve been in this position. Nothing I did to treat the sweating (beta blockers were offered to reduce the amount but couldn’t change the odor) made a difference, and my intimacy with my partner really suffered. We could basically be intimate only after I just showered; it took months for my partner even to bring it up. When I finally discovered the sweating in a list of side effects in a medical app, it was quickly confirmed by my prescriber as common but not talked about because it’s not physically harmful, so other SSRI users may not be aware of the connection. Just wanted to let your other readers know! —Shower Power
