Q: I’m in a pickle. All I want is to experience touch, intimacy, and sexual pleasure—but without freaking out. I grew up with a lot of negative messages from men due to developing early, as well as having some other physical/sexual trauma (no rape or abuse), but the combination has me seriously fucked up. Whenever I get close to physical intimacy with someone, I run away. I actually faked an emergency once and physically ran away because I knew sex was a possibility that night. I’m not a virgin—but in those instances, I’ve been really drunk (and experienced no emotional/physical pleasure). This is not what I want for my life. I want a relationship and love, and to be open and comfortable with someone expressing their care for me in a physical way without panicked thoughts flooding my brain. I’ve done lots of therapy, which has helped, but not enough. I recently heard of something called a sexual surrogate. From what I understand, it’s somebody who is trained to therapeutically provide physical touch and intimacy in a controlled and safe environment. Are they legit? —She Can’t Adequately Release Extreme Dread
“Surrogate partner therapy is a therapeutic treatment that combines psychotherapy with experiential learning,” said Blanchard. “It’s a program designed for people like SCARED, for people who struggle with anxiety, panic, and past trauma—things that can distort a person’s experience in the moment.”
While I had her on the phone, I asked Blanchard the first question many people have about surrogate partners: Are surrogate partners sex workers?
Finally, SCARED, the number of trained and qualified surrogate partners is relatively small—IPSA has just 70 members—so you might need to go where most of those trained and qualified surrogates partners are in order to work with one. (The part of California that isn’t on fire is lovely this time of year.)
A: You’re attracted to this guy, LIMP, and you’re turned on by him, and you’re capable of getting hard. When he played with your tits—when he licked your nipples—it took the focus off your cock, and your cock instantly got hard. Do that more, LIMP: more dates with this guy, more rolling around with him, more exploring other erogenous zones. And it’ll help if you can tell him the truth: You’re a little nervous because it’s been a while since you dated anyone. Once you’re more comfortable with him—once you’re more comfortable seeing someone—your boners will come. v
