In the gospel according to Joel Osteen, the flood myth described in the Old Testament was prime opportunity for Noah to test his mettle as an entrepreneurial DIY kind of guy—MacGyver for the antediluvian age.
Because hell hath no fury like cable news, Osteen’s church finally began changing its message once CNN and Fox started reporting on it. By Tuesday, Lakewood changed course and announced it was opening its doors to Harvey evacuees and donations and the multimillionaire televangelist himself appeared on CBS This Morning to go on the defensive, claiming Houston officials asked Lakewood Church be a “distribution center.” “The city runs the shelters. They asked for a distribution center,” Osteen said. “We could’ve been a shelter from day one if they needed that.” When CBS inquired about the specifics of his call for cash donations to help Hurricane Harvey victims, he seemed befuddled. “I don’t know how it all works. We’re working with Samaritan’s Purse and different ones,” he explained, barely breaking his ever-toothy smile. ,
It’s easy to mock the hucksterism and hypocrisy of Osteen and Trump, but the truth is that a similar kind of magical thinking is everywhere when it comes to capitalism. The floodwaters of wealth inequality, student debt, and flat wages keep inching over the heads of millions of people in America, but the faithful keep preaching the same flagging message of faith in the system to the many victims of laissez-faire, trickle-down economics: Work harder, believe in yourself, go to college, learn to code. If you don’t, well, it’s sink or swim.
