Q I’m 21 and still a virgin. I also have depression. I’m not bad looking. I work out and generally keep people laughing. I got a lot of female attention in school, but I was hopeless and still am. Most of my friends have girlfriends, so I don’t understand why I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was ten. I feel myself becoming increasingly violent, to the extent that I have tried to provoke a fight that wasn’t necessary and I try to intimidate other guys when I’m out. I’ve been unemployed for three years since dropping out of college, and I haven’t really met a girl I was interested in since school. I’ve never made the first move with girls. I never feel compelled to, regardless of how attractive I find them. I do get a lot of eye contact from girls, and I’ve been approached by girls, but we barely ever get past exchanging names before they wander off or their friends pull them away. Writing this out has made me realize I should start approaching girls, but I don’t think it’s just that. Surely I should’ve met someone by now? —Hopeless Over Painful Experience
Q I’m a 25-year-old bi girl, and I’ve been with the same hetero guy for almost three years. I miss being with women. We made an attempt at being monogamish, but feelings were hurt and we went back to monogamy. He still parties like he’s in college and is a bit dependent on me—socially—whereas I crave independence and, quite frankly, pussy. I’ve started to withdraw and resent him, not just for the lack of sexual freedom but also because he drinks too much and acts like a slob. I want to move out when our lease ends. I’m willing to work on our issues, but I fear that when I have this conversation, it will break his heart and he will break up with me as a defensive approach, rather than seeing the breathing room as a way to work on our relationship. How can I express my need for other sexual partners and more space without sounding like I’m calling off the relationship? Is it even worth attempting dating, post-living together? —Insert Quirky Acronym Here
A Sexual compatibility is hugely important, NAIVE, and prioritizing it doesn’t make you a bad person. But the choice you’ve laid out—dating only kinksters you meet on Fetlife or nice girls your friends set you up with—is a false one. Date both. You’ll have to establish emotional compatibility with a woman you meet via Fetlife, or sexual compatibility with a woman you meet via real life.
