Q: As a queer man of color—I’m Asian—I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in New York City, Toronto, or any city where white gay men dominate. Gay men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race, and no one admits to their sexual racism. I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many people. But it is unfair for a gay Asian like myself to be constantly marginalized and rejected. I fight for gay rights too. I believe in equality too. I had the same pain of being gay in high school and the same fears when coming out. Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community? I’m six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking. What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk. —Enraged Dude Details Infuriating Experience
Booster and Chu are right: Racism is a problem in the gay community, some people within are unfairly and cruelly marginalized, and we all need to confront our own prejudices.
Chu has also managed to find romantic success in New York. “I’ve been where EDDIE is, except shorter, less fit, and less good-looking, and somehow I found a husband,” said Chu. “The monastery wasn’t my calling, and I suspect it’s not EDDIE’s either.”
A:Italians pet with their teeth? Good to know. Also good to know: yourself. Now, I would never suggest that bi guys can’t honor monogamous commitments—even though I routinely say just that about straight guys, gay guys, straight women, and lesbians—but it would be foolish for you to make a monogamous commitment. Not because you’re “destined to be unfaithful,” MOL, but because you’ve already been unfaithful.
