QI’m a straight female who was a dominatrix for a while—and out of all the jobs I’ve had, I loved it the most. Working as a secretary—one with a master’s in writing—wasn’t that hard to beat, I guess. But professional dommes aren’t immune to workplace romances, and I fell in love with a client. Long story short, we are still together after a year and a half, after I closed my practice and sold (most of) my toys because he didn’t want to be with a woman who was still practicing this kind of physical intimacy with others. Fair enough. But the list has grown longer. His jealousy flared when I told him that I went to lunch with a male friend that I’d played with before, and again when he found an old picture on my computer of me blowing my ex (snooping sucks when someone’s not mature enough to handle what they find). But the latest and most bitter pill is that he no longer wants me to write anything about my experiences—not because it might cause professional fallout if people knew about him dating a former pro domme (notwithstanding the fact that he was a client once), but because he doesn’t want me to think about the experiences I’ve had. Fuck, Dan, I love this guy, but “retiring” has never been so hard and so scary. I honestly miss the sex-positive community and the impact (ha) I had on people who decided—for whatever reason—to pay a professional to share this creative, spiritual, eros-infused intimacy with them, if only for a few hours every month or so. It seemed like I needed to give that up to have a marriage and family, which, as I get into the later half of my 30s, seems like I better get going on if I want this to happen. DTMFA, I know, but why has it been so hard to do this time? —Despairing Over My Man’s Expectations
Matisse doesn’t want you giving your boyfriend a second chance, DOMME, and neither do I. His controlling, slut-shaming behavior is simply unforgivable. “DOMME’s boyfriend is leveraging all the power of a sex-negative world to make her think she has to give up all of who she is, her past and her future—even her own mind—to be in this relationship. Leave him. She shouldn’t agree to talk it over, or try to understand his feelings, or work out a compromise. He might pretend to make some bargain with her, like telling her that if she married him, or had a child with him, then he would possibly feel OK about her writing about her own life. Don’t fall for this,” said Matisse. “Her thinking about, writing about, or even being a dominatrix is not the problem. He is the problem. If DOMME sticks around, she’ll just be giving her boyfriend a chance to do more damage than he already has. She should leave and not look back—and she should spend some time with a therapist. This guy has planted so much poison in her head, more than she can even see right now. She needs to dig it all out, so she can move on to a happy relationship with a man who loves her exactly as she is. And trust me, DOMME, those guys are out there.”
Most men need to thrust during oral to come—if oral isn’t foreplay prior to thrust-based vaginal or anal penetration—and that thrusting action can present problems for even the most enthusiastic and experienced cocksucker. The solution: Shorten your boyfriend’s cock by wrapping a fist (or two) around the base of his shaft, and let him thrust through your wet fist(s) and into your mouth. Since your fist(s) can grip his dick firmly, NSFW, you can relax your mouth a bit—you don’t need to maintain a suction seal during this stage of the blow job. You relax your mouth and jaw, your boyfriend thrusts in and out, his cock won’t go all the way to the back of your throat (so no choking), and your clenched fist(s) provide(s) the necessary friction and pressure to get him off.
