Q: I’m a straight guy, married for 16 years, kids in school. My wife cannot find a way to be intimate with me. We’ve had therapy individually and together. I nearly divorced her, but we decided to stay together—we do love each other, and the economics and child-rearing favor it. After I asked for a divorce, she fucked the shit out of me for the first time in ten years. That was the last time she fucked me. She’s “broken”—her word, not mine, and her final answer. When the subject of affairs came up in the past, she said, “I wouldn’t blame you.” I could jack off only so many times before I cracked. I went online and met a very sexual woman with a strictly NSA thing for married men, and we fucked. I plan on doing it again. I know this could go all kinds of bad ways, but divorce just isn’t realistic. We had that one conversation, but we do not have an explicit understanding. I don’t want to head into my 50s with ten-plus years of celibacy behind me and decades of celibacy ahead of me. But I want to keep my marriage. Which kind of idiot am I? —Help Understanding Boundary-Breaking Yearnings

Q: These are things I (28, gay, male, single) did last night, and they show how fucked-up I am. (1) I hooked up with a guy off Craigslist. It was lame, he wasn’t cute, I was bored. (2) I came home and went on Tinder (which says I’m looking for an LTR, despite that hookup). I saw a guy from the gym—but he didn’t swipe right, and I was devastated. (3) I went online and sold a pair of my used undies. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I could use some advice. I’m sure what you say won’t be nearly as bad as what the voice inside my head is yelling at me. —What Is My Life?

Q: I’ve come into professional contact with a respected and successful artist. She is a woman in her 60s; I am a man in my 40s. I’m really attracted to women who are strong, talented, and smart. She’s all that, and funny. I’ve never been attracted to someone that much older than myself. Nobody bats an eye when a guy gets with a woman who is 20 years younger, but how do I pursue her without her thinking I have some creepy fetish? Am I a creep? I don’t think so. I’m pretty average, I have an unusual but boring job developing woodworking tools, and I don’t have any kinks or fetishes to speak of. I’ve gone out of my way to make her feel special on several occasions, but it has only caused her to remark on my great customer service—and not in a flirty way. How can I let her know that I want to move into something else besides a professional relationship without creeping her out? —She Makes a Real Turn-on