Q: I’ve always been a big believer in the common-sense obviousness that monogamy is hard. Additionally, I like the idea of my wife getting fucked. I don’t have any desire to be denigrated or emasculated; I just get off on the idea of her being satisfied and a little transgressive. Early in our relationship, we talked about monogamish guidelines: I’d like to be informed and consulted, and she would rather I kept mine to myself.
Your wife has to express remorse for this affair—and it was an affair, not an adventure—and take responsibility for the anger, the hurt, and, um, all the great sex you two have been having since the big reveal.
Q: I’m a 27-year-old straight woman. I’ve spent this last year back on the dating market, and it’s HORRIBLE. I have a reasonably pretty face, I’m fit, and I take care of myself. I have my life together—friends, interests, job—and I’m emotionally stable. I go out, I enjoy meeting people, I’m on Tinder. And I keep hearing that with a huge influx of young dudes, Seattle is an easy place to date as a woman. So why am I finding it so hard? I can get casual sex, and that’s fun. But as far as finding a relationship beyond just fuck buddies, it’s depressingly predictable: Guy acts interested, texts me all the time, but eventually starts fading away. I’ve asked close friends to be honest with me; I even had a heart-to-heart with an ex-boyfriend. Everyone says I’m not doing anything wrong. Are they all lying to me? I’m currently seeing someone I really like. When we’re together, it seems like he likes me a lot. But now he’s starting to do the fade. I’m really sad and anxious. It’s killing my soul to be rejected constantly. —Bummed About Dating
A: Thank you for writing back, NGAA, and for listening to the shows I recommended: Company, Follies, and A Little Night Music. My advice for you made a lot of my other readers angry—really angry. They accused me of blowing you off and not answering your question and failing at this whole advice column thing. But I didn’t blow you off. I directed you, as I’ve directed many other readers, to the expert I thought could help you. In your case, NGAA, that person was Mr. Stephen Sondheim.
