The Cubs’ Kyle Schwarber is the sort of instantly identifiable and prodigiously talented phenom who just seems to demand a nickname. Sun-Times sports columnist Rick Morrissey recognized as much earlier this summer, when he called out for submissions from fans. Yet the dozens of suggestions he got from readers were, by my way of thinking, pedestrian, foremost among them: the Hulk, Smash, Schwar Machine (Morissey’s favorite), the Hoosier Hitman (which at least has a classic feel), and Bamm-Bamm, which is actually somewhat akin to what I’ve been calling the Cubs’ slugging catcher-outfielder for a while now.
Yet what they share most is the power of sound. When Schwarber connects with one, it has by all accounts a distinct sound all its own, one that crushes opposing pitchers and disheartens opposing players—as he did in the game that clinched the series against the Saint Louis Cardinals. The ball he launched landed atop the gargantuan right-field Budweiser sign, where it remains, encased for posterity like some cherished Sleeping Beauty of baseball clouts.
So repeat after me: Vavoom!
