Q: I’m a 26-year-old single bi woman. Sometimes my roommate/best friend and I have drunken threesomes with men. We’ve had some great one-night stands (less scary with a friend!), but recently we slept with a man I’ve been (drunkenly) sleeping with over a period of months, my “friend with benefits.” I shared my FWB with my roommate because she wanted to have sex, and I shared my roommate with my FWB because he wanted to experience a threesome. I told my roommate afterward that I wouldn’t like it if she slept with my FWB on her own, and I told my FWB that we should always discuss having a threesome before it happens. Then we went out drinking another night, I left early, and they wound up sleeping together.
Do you need to break off your friendship with your FWB because you’ve realized you want something more from him, i.e., a committed relationship? Someone wanting to be more than friends is the leading cause of death for FWB arrangements. And while normally the friend who wants to keep things casual is the one who ends the arrangement, BFF, if you want more and you know he can’t give it to you, or if you fear you can’t trust him around current and future roommates, then feel free to end it. But if you really like him—despite the violation—then go ahead and ask him to upgrade your FWB arrangement to GF/BF relationship.
Q: Straight man, married for 12 years, love my wife very much. We have a great relationship, and I cannot see myself being with anyone else. A few years ago, she came out to me as bisexual. At the time, it hit me harder than I would have expected. Part of the reason was she explained that she often fantasizes about women when we have sex in order to come. She says she is attracted to me and loves our sex life. We have exhausted the topic of bringing someone else into our relationship and recommitted to monogamy. Is it inevitable that she will cheat to satisfy her curiosity? She says she wouldn’t, and I have to trust that, but it is always in the back of my head. What do I do? —Just One Exception
