QMy son is 15 going on 16, and he’s been experimenting with masturbation. At the moment, I pretty much just think fine, whatever, he’s a teenager, there’s very little I can do about it. So long as he doesn’t get porn obsessed and start letting his grades slip, it’s fine. The issue is that, a few months ago, his younger sister found one of her tampons in the garbage, and it was covered with poop. She brought it up to me and my wife, and we didn’t think much of it—until a couple of months ago, when my wife discovered, again, a used, shitty tampon in the garbage. We had a talk with our son and told him that we understand he is maturing sexually and we don’t care how he explores his sexuality. However, we also don’t want to find shitty tampons or whatever else in the garbage. Then, a couple of days ago, we were going to bed and we heard a noise coming from his bathroom. We checked it out and found his toothbrush in the sink, butt end being rinsed with the water running full blast for who knows how long (he was downstairs). We asked him why he was doing that, and he said the cat had pissed on his toothbrush. We think his story is bullshit, as although the cat does piss on the floor, the cat has never peed on a counter before.

Your son would’ve figured that you saw the toothbrush, figured that you figured it had been in his ass, and never made that mistake again. (Just as he’s never made the tampon mistake again.) But you made the mistake of asking your son for an explanation (“Why are you doing that?”) in a context where (1) your son isn’t going to tell you the truth (“The cat pissed on it, Pops!”), and (2) you can’t handle the truth (“I was fucking myself in the ass with it, Pops!”).

QSay your boyfriend has a spanking fetish, and he spanks other women with one particular belt—but not you, because you don’t like it, but you’re OK with him making dates to spank others—and he wears that particular belt all the time, even though you’ve asked him not to. What’s going on here? —Ass Spared, Feelings Hurt

And finally, OPP, closure isn’t something you find. It’s something you do.