QI am a gay man and have been in a relationship with my GGG boyfriend for more than three years. We are in our early 20s and have a good sex life. I just discovered that he has been engaging in what can only be described as cyber infidelity. He had a secret e-mail account, posted on Craigslist M4M, and also had an Adam4Adam account. About once a week, while I was at work in the evenings, he would exchange photos and engage in conversations with other men. He claims he never met with any of them and it was just to exchange photos. He let me look at his secret e-mail account, and there was nothing that pointed to any physical meet-ups. I asked him to delete his accounts, and he did. I am completely shocked, as we have an intimate and loving relationship. He is ashamed and understands that his behavior is wrong. I understand if he wants to look at porn on his own time (I certainly do), but the quantity and secrecy of his actions is obviously not healthy. We have major life plans together, and I don’t doubt that he is committed to me. Where do I go from here, and what steps should I take to make sure it stops? —Stressing Over Cyber Infidelity
QI’m in my mid-40s. About two years ago, I had a one-night stand with a 19-year-old college student who placed an ad on Craigslist looking to meet older guys for no-strings-attached fun. We had a good time. He was charming, intelligent, and fun. I was surprised to learn during our conversation that he hoped to pursue a career in my profession. I gave him some advice, and we went our separate ways. Flash forward two years. We are looking for some temporary summer intern-type help, and we got a resumé from a qualified person looking for a summer job. We brought the candidate in for an interview, which my supervisor and I conducted. To my surprise, the applicant was the one-night stand. We obviously did not discuss our prior meeting during the interview, but by the brief, mild look of surprise on his face, my guess was that he was as surprised as I was. He handled himself well in the interview. My supervisor intends to hire him. I would be his direct supervisor. There would be no way around this if he was brought in for the two- or three-month job, but our contact would be almost exclusively via e-mail. My instinct is that our prior one-night stand shouldn’t disqualify him from the job. He’s qualified, and my colleague wants to hire him ASAP. What are your thoughts? Any red flags? How should I handle this? Should I broach the subject with him? I don’t want to insult his intelligence or even hint that I think he’s using our meeting two years prior to land a brief summer job. Again, I am convinced he didn’t realize he was going to interview with me. —Nervous Supervisor Anxious
AEd Murray was 58 years old when he became the mayor of Seattle. Larry Kramer was 52 when he inspired the founding of ACT UP. Bayard Rustin was 51 when he organized the historic 1963 March on Washington. Harvey Milk was 47 years old when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Barney Frank was 41 when he was first elected to Congress in 1981 and 73 when he retired last year. Neil Patrick Harris was 41 when he won a Tony Award for starring in the Broadway revival of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Jonathan Capehart was 40 when he became a member of the Washington Post‘s editorial board in 2007. Tony Kushner was 37 when he won the Pulitzer Prize for Angels in America. George Takei (77), RuPaul (53), Andrew Sullivan (50), Andy Cohen (46), Jared Polis (39)—I could go on.
